The Empty Christmas Chair
Holidays without our daughter
by Lisa Saunders
Like many who have lost a loved one, I tear up this time of year when I hear Bing Crosby sing “I'll Be Home for Christmas" on the car radio. I cry for my daughter, Elizabeth, born December 18, 1989.
Expecting Elizabeth, due to be born on Christmas Eve of that year, had been an exciting experience. But the moment she arrived on the 18th, I felt a stab of fear. My immediate thought was, “Her head looks so small—so deformed.”
The neonatologist said, "Your daughter's brain is very small with calcium deposits throughout. If she lives, she will never roll over, sit up, or feed herself." He concluded that Elizabeth's birth defects were caused by congenital cytomegalovirus (CMV). Women who care for young children are at a higher risk for catching it because preschoolers are the majority of carriers. Pregnant women need to be careful not to kiss young children on or around the mouth or share food or towels with them.Why hadn’t my OB/GYN warned me about this? While I was pregnant with Elizabeth, I not only had a toddler of my own, but I also ran a licensed daycare center in my home. I felt sick at what my lack of knowledge had done to my little girl. In milder cases, children with congenital CMV may lose hearing or struggle with learning disabilities later in life. But Elizabeth's case was not a mild one.When my husband Jim heard Elizabeth's grim prognosis, he stared at her and said, “She needs me”—just like Charlie Brown with that pathetic Christmas tree.
It took me about a year, but I eventually stopped praying that a nuclear bomb would drop on my house so I could escape my overwhelming anguish over Elizabeth's condition. Life did become good again—but it took a lot of help from family, friends, some Valium, and the Book of Psalms. We were eventually able to move forward as a happy, "normal" family.Sixteen years later, I awoke feeling so proud of Elizabeth. It was her 16th birthday and just one week before Christmas. When the song “I’ll be home for Christmas” played on the radio, I cried thinking how hard Elizabeth fought to be home with us, overcoming several battles with pneumonia, major surgeries, and most recently, seizures. Weighing only 50 pounds, she looked funny to strangers as a result of her small head and adult teeth, but she was lovely to us with her long, brown hair, large blue eyes and soul-capturing smile. Although still in diapers and unable to speak or hold up her head, Elizabeth was very happy and loved going for long car rides. She especially enjoyed going to school and being surrounded by people, paying no mind to the stares of “normal” children who thought she belonged on the "Island of Misfit Toys."
Less than two months after she turned 16, I dropped Elizabeth off at school. Strapping her into her wheelchair, I held her face in my hands, kissed her cheek, and said, “Now be a good girl today.” She smiled as she heard her teacher say what she said every time, “Elizabeth is always a good girl!” With that, I left.At the end of the day, I got the call I had always feared. “Mrs. Saunders, Elizabeth had a seizure and she’s not breathing." The medical team did all they could, but she was gone.
While holding Elizabeth’s body on his lap, my husband looked down into her partially open, lifeless eyes and cried, “No one is ever going to look at me again the way she did.”As I prepare to celebrate yet another Christmas without her, it is always with some heartache that I bring out the holiday decorations from storage. Elizabeth used to love to sit on the couch with her big, once homeless old dog, Riley, and watch us decorate. (Their story is told in my memoir, Had I known about CMV: From Shock to Law). Now, I perform a new Christmas tradition. I carefully unfold the black and red checked shirt Elizabeth wore on her last day and hang it over an empty chair beside our fireplace. Although she can't be home for Christmas, I feel that she is my “Tiny Tim” who would say if she could, “God bless us, everyone!”
Although I miss Elizabeth, I’m glad she is free from suffering, glad she is safe in her new, Heavenly home. When my time comes, I will see her again. My father wrote a fairytale that I found very helpful after Elizabeth died. Folks can read it as a blog post or as a booklet, Surviving Loss: The Woodcutter's Tale. It includes comments on grieving from Julie Russell, a licensed clinical social worker, plus heart-felt illustrations by Elizabeth's aunt, Marianne Greiner.
The Only Thing I Can Do for Elizabeth Now
PROPOSED LEGISLATION
Promoting recent and proposed legislation should improve parent, health care provider, and educator knowledge. And as a result, better prevention and support for children and their families.
Proposed National legislation:
119th Congress (2025-2026). Stop CMV Act 2025. “To amend the Public Health Service Act to provide for congenital Cytomegalovirus screening of newborns.”
New York Representative Mike Lawler (R), sponsor of the Stop CMV Act, was a high school classmate of my older daughter and attended Elizabeth's funeral when he was in college (Elizabeth died Feb 9, 2006). "New Bill: Representative Michael Lawler introduces H.R. 5435: Stop CMV Act of 2025" (Quiver LegislationRadar) states: "The bill mandates that hospitals or health care entities caring for infants up to 21 days old conduct tests for congenital CMV. This is designed to identify CMV in newborns, which can lead to serious health issues if not detected early."
Contact your House/ and Senate representatives (members of Congress) and ask them to cosponsor the bill and join forces with the National CMV Foundation at: https://www.nationalcmv.org/cmv-research/blog/november-2025-(1)/support-the-stop-cmv-act
I currently live in upstate New York, so I am also advocating for the following New York State legislation:
Assembly Bill A3956/S5454: "Requires cytomegalovirus screening for every newborn..."
Assembly Bill A3074/S7662: "Requires reporting of positive cytomegalovirus results." Newborns "SHALL BE REFERRED TO A PEDIATRIC INFECTIOUS DISEASE SPECIALIST...BEFORE...FOUR WEEKS …EXAMINATION SHALL INCLUDE…EYE EXAM BY AN OPHTHALMOLOGIST; AND HEARING...”
The following New York Laws are already in place:
2022: “Elizabeth’s Law” (A7560), named in memory of my daughter. “Requires the provision of informational materials to child care providers and certain physicians and midwives regarding...congenital cytomegalovirus infection."
2018: Targeted CMV testing law (A587C/S2816) “Requires urine polymerase chain reaction testing for cytomegalovirus of newborns with hearing impairments”.